With apologies to Rupert Holmes and all Pina Colada lovers worldwide
I was real tired of dating, I’d been trying too long. Too much swiping of faces, good intentions gone wrong. Far too many short tidbits seen on Tinder before I came upon the message that made me run for the door.
"If you like Pina Coladas, and a challenge or two. If you don’t mind being locked up in a cell in Timbuctoo. If you like being tied up and covered with scotch tape Then come pay me a visit and try to escape.”
I didn't think twice, that may sound kinda weird. Cause her picture was blurry and she might have a beard. But bored I was truly and I felt almost glad “Finally somebody different”, I thought, “surely can’t be that bad”.
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, am always up for a change. I'm really done with one nighters, I need to try something strange. Let’s both meet tomorrow, I’ll be wearing a cape. At a bar called Lost Sole, we can plan our escape"
So I waited in costume, she walked confidently in. I knew her smile in an instant, I recognized the grin. It was my old high school teacher, I really should have known. And when she placed her hand on me, I couldn’t hide a short groan.
"I’ll have Pina Colada and a shot of champagne Then we’ll go to my condo to indulge in some pain. If you follow all my instructions, and don’t act like an ape Then some time before morning, I might let you escape.”
We drank a lot of Pina Coladas and I disposed of my cape. She was true to her word, but I had no thought of escape. Now I have no need for Tinder, education’s my app. I’ve even found new meaning in “Please mind the gap!”
"If you like Pina Coladas, and a challenge or two. If you don’t mind being locked up in a cell in Timbuctoo. If you like being tied up and covered with scotch tape. Come pay me a visit and try to escape"