I am stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Caribbean.
I was in the middle of a heavy poker game in the casino, somewhere in the vicinity of Bermuda, when I heard a big explosion. The next thing I know, I am hanging on for dear life to the remains of a roulette table, alone in the middle of the ocean in the midday sun and no sunscreen.
I floated for what seemed liked days, but was probably no more than a few hours, 'till a tidal wave swept me on to a deserted beach. Well it wasn't deserted for long. My life has now become pure hell.
I am forced to exist on a diet of pineapple and fish. The sun is ruining my delicate skin, which the inhabitants think is hilarious.
Oh yes, I forgot to mention that the entire island is populated with young Amazon women who are obviously too poor to be able to afford any clothing. They think I am a present from God. There seem to be no men on the island, beside myself, and the girls are desperate.
So you see my situation is far from optimal, especially considering the fact that they speak no English.
To whoever finds this note please send me some sun tan lotion and tell Peter that I am alive and well and miss him.
P.S. Does anyone out there know the sign language for Gay?