After a holiday or office party someone automatically brings a double dose of espresso to your desk and no sly remarks about a possible hangover are allowed.
If your boss pisses you off twice in one week you are granted an immediate, paid one day vacation
Coffee served at work must not taste like some mixture put together by one of the witches from Macbeth.
If you are forced you work in open-space, if you have more than 3 years’ experience you get to choose to sit opposite the tall hunk with the blue eyes and Robert Redford smile or the cute busty blonde secretary who can't afford a longer skirt.
Beer drinking in the cafeteria is mandatory on Fridays.
National Nudist Day will be solemnly observed. –
Whatever happens at the office party is never ever mentioned again. –
Any emails received after 5 P.M. are automatically marked as spam and deleted form the exchange server.
The equal opportunity work law - every employee, and I mean every employee, is entitled to an all-expenses paid "work seminar" in Vegas with his secretary. If you have no secretary, one will be hired for the occasion.
On family day, employees without children will be allowed to take the following day off. Managers with children who bring them in and allow them to transform the workspace into a pre-school excursion to the Bronx Zoo will be forced to make amends by serving their employees smooth frozen Margeritas and extra strength Advil.