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The Security System

April 1, 2017

 

Madge and Bill lived in a neighborhood which, in their words, "was going to the dogs". Their five bedroom New Jersey house boasted matching wallpaper and carpets, a dining table that could comfortably sit 20 people but never did, and a waterless dolphin shaped swimming pool in the back garden which they were very proud of. They moved in, seven years earlier, together with their twin poodles Tweedledumb and Tweedledunn, one dead parrot (an heirloom) and their four kids Mark Anthony, Fletcher,  Donna and Jor-el ( they were founder members of the local Marlon Brando Fan Club).

 

East Gandol was originally a really fine area to raise kids. At least that was what they were told by the contractors, and for the first three years they had no reason to doubt them. Then, when a construction team, assigned to build a three storey house across the road from them, dug up five dead bodies, things took a turn for the worst.

 

Madge suggested they put the house on the market but that would have meant financial hari-kari so the worried parents agreed on installing a state of the art security system (they don't call them burglar alarms any more).

 

 For the price of a round the world cruise on the Queen Elizabeth II, (or  a night with Demi Moore), computer screens, laser beams, hidden cameras, glass break detectors, alarm decals, multi model wired sirens, wireless active photoelectric motion detectors, electric panic buttons, window and door sensors and a video intercom system that would make Bar Raphaeli look like Roseanne Barr were installed.

 

For the first night in months Madge and Bill went to sleep without having to worry about Freddy Kruger attacking their kids. They slept soundly till around 3:00 A.M. when Madge nudged Bill.

 

"Bill I can hear somebody moving around downstairs."

 

 "It's probably Tweedledunn taking a pee on the fridge again."

 

"Please Bill, go and take a look."

 

So a yawning Bill, dressed only in his underpants and gripping his tailor-made iron golf club that he had promised himself he would get around to using one day, made his way down stairs. After a few grunts he shouted up to Madge.

 

"It's O.K., there's been a break in, but they didn't find the safe with your grandmother's pearls, and they didn't take the 100 inch Led TV or the Bang Olufsen surround souns system. Oh, and I checked on the kids and the dogs and they're all sound asleep."

 

After a few moments of silence Madge shouted back:

"You mean someone managed to break in and get past all the security gismos and didn't take anything? Not even my new Grand Cherokee?"

 

"Well there is one thing they took."

 

"What's that?"

 

 "They seem to have taken the entire security system."

 

 

 

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