Luxury Spas

The truth behind the robes

Many an British or American tourist has succeeded in making a fool of himself as a result of misunderstanding the minute differences between the different kinds of spas. Here, in an attempt to further international relations and help forward world peace, is our ultimate guide to luxury spas around the world.

The American Spa - a place where bored, overweight, married women meet, cover their eyes with cucumbers and gossip while their husbands are having it off with their secretaries at the Pay A Ton Motel.

The French Spa - a place where bored housewives and mistresses sip Champagne and compare stories while their homme is at home giving French lessons to the maid.

The Dutch Spa - a place where nobody wears any clothes, the men pretend not to stare and the women are very apologetic when they accidentally fondle a passing male's UFO.

The Indian Spa - a family ritual wherein entire families and their washing rid themselves of impurities in holy polluted waters.

The Japanese Spa - a traditional spa heavily influenced by the classical theater wherein the male adopts the role of the ancient tutor who is seduced by the voluptuous female schoolgirl /masseuse.


The Russian Spa - a specialist spa in which daring men named Ivan submerge themselves in freezing icy waters and return home rejuvenated as Ivana.


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